Hope In The Darkness

Where do I find hope in the middle of the dark?

This morning, I engaged in self care and accountability by going to therapy.

Today, in my work at Step By Step, where I serve as Executive Director working with young single mothers ages 12 to 24, I told stories about these incredible young women achieving amazing heights because of their own brilliance and them having opportunities to have others see them, believe them, and encourage them.

This afternoon, on a call with some incredible people from my consulting work, we are exploring the topic Kingian Nonviolence, smashing the idea of individual heroes in favor of collective movement work (that can be long, tedious, and takes constant negotiation and recognition of one another's humanity through both philosophy and methodology). I am working with a group of facilitators who specialize in training. They are creating accessible content for the times in which we live and my job is to facilitate their gatherings. Yup. Facilitating facilitators who do what I do for a living could be a challenge, but this group is my happy place. My favorite moment so far? Diana Nash's daughter co-leading the session and her mom being named as a major influence in the movement. She is a force all on her own doing astoundingly important work. She need not stand in her mother's shadow. But, her smile was so bright when her mom's name was mentioned.

Tonight, I will be in Bible study with someone dear, working on my own authenticity and deepening my practice.

I will also practice presence with my littles. We are reading “A Wrinkle In Time”, contextualizing what goodness looks like in the face of evil and what hope can look like when it wanes, vacillates, loses, and then triumphs again.

Finding moments of points of light because I know they are there. Even in the darkness.

This link was shared on our Kingian Nonviolence call. I hope it brings you perspective today.

Drum Major Instinct: MLK

Stop Asking BIPOC Candidates This Question

Can we normalize refraining from asking BIPOC (Black, Indigenous People Of Color) employment candidates how they plan to promote diversity and inclusion in the workplace as an interview question?

If your company/org cannot answer these questions first, you have no business asking this of a candidate:

1. What kind of environment have you fostered for diversity, equity, inclusion and accessibility?

2. Have you ascertained whether your historically excluded and minoritized employees feel safe and seen and are able to bring their full selves on the job?

3. What do your mentor experiences look like? Do you provide exchange opportunities with other BIPOC-run companies/orgs?

4. Is your Diversity Commitee compensated for the additional labor they are providing your company/org?

5. Where are the unofficial meetings and conversations taking place that facilitate decision making? Whose voices are excluded or under threat of eraser and how can you foster inclusion in those spaces?

6. Is there a framework of DEIA (diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility) baked into your mission, vision, polices, procedures, culture, and decision making processes at every turn?

7. Are professional development offerings around this topic optional, or is it made clear that every employee must be a part of these efforts?

8. What systems or individuals are impeding this work and how much longer do you plan to employ them?

Unless you are hiring this candidate as a well paid, well-supported, power-FULL Diversity Officer position (not a neutered figurehead as evidenced by the recent data and reports from Diversity Officers on the incredibly high turnover rates https://www.wsj.com/amp/articles/demand-for-chief-diversity-officers-is-high-so-is-turnover-11594638000), AND your company/org has already done the work; you’re asking candidates to provide you with a fairytale you don’t plan to bring to reality. It is not this candidate’s job to answer questions your own company/org is unwilling to answer or act upon just because you read that you should be asking these questions in a Forbes article a few months ago. DEIA isn’t some fad buzzword or burdensome “thing we have to do now”, (like sexual harassment education has become…a mandatory video no one wants to watch, followed by inane questions with multiple choice answers…no real facilitation, no true impact). The urgency and attention with which you address this subject is literally survival for your BIPOC employees.

The Cost of DEIA Work on BIPOC Practitioners

Throughout the month of March, I took some days off from my primary job to do some consulting in diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility for three different companies/orgs. It was invigorating work crossing time zones, cultures, and communities.

Like most consultants, I spend a great deal of time preparing for each experience I cultivate. I research my audience, ensuring that I know who will be in the room and work to anticipate the best environment to stimulate their ability to absorb, process, contextualize, and internalize the information. I go over my materials and the expectations of the contract and add any new research or perspectives that make the work relevant and grounded in the moment, while heavily emphasizing the historical manufacturing of oppression has shaped us. I read the work of other practitioners and learn any new approaches that may influence the success of workshop attendees. I also spend time preparing my heart and mind.

BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People Of Color) educators, facilitators, workshop leaders, and other practitioners who engage in this work must do the internal work to preserve our mental health, daily. Exposing the underbelly of our humanity has a cost. To daily be confronted with the facts of a system created to stymie the lives of people who look like you means to engage in racial battle fatigue and racial trauma regularly.

Personally, I lean into my faith, I invest in my mental health with an incredible therapist, and I spend time practicing presence with the people and activities that fuel me to ensure that I am effective while speaking truth to power.

According to the Center for Disease Control data in 2014, life expectancy for white Americans was higher than Blacks, Hispanics, and Indigenous Americans,

Native Americans: 75.06 years

African Americans: 75.54 years

White Americans: 79.12 years

Hispanic Americans: 82.89 years

These numbers have not changed much over the years. Disparities in health care, the wealth gap, and many more factors are well documented.

According to the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, COVID-19 has affected these numbers even more:

“Estimated reductions for the Black and Latino populations are 3 to 4 times that for Whites. Consequently, COVID-19 is expected to reverse over 10 y of progress made in closing the Black−White gap in life expectancy and reduce the previous Latino mortality advantage by over 70%. Some reduction in life expectancy may persist beyond 2020 because of continued COVID-19 mortality and long-term health, social, and economic impacts of the pandemic.”

The next time you you ask someone to speak on these issues for free, please remember that though you don't want it to cost you, it costs us greatly.

How To Support Your Employees Who Are Members of the Asian Community

I share this information every time violent tragedy inflicted upon minoritized communities permeates the headlines. Remember employers, these incidents can, and often do, affect other BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) employees surviving race-based trauma daily. #StopAAPIHate #RacismIsAPublicHealthCrisis #DomesticTerrorism

1. Give them space to experience their emotions without explanation.

2. Do not ask them to educate you. This is NOT the moment. Do your own research.

3. Allow mental health days off with no questions asked.

4. Make sure ALL employees know about mental health benefits and resources available to them.

5. Make a donation on behalf of your company to an organization working for justice.

6. Commit to the never ending journey towards a more just and equitable work environment for EVERYONE.

What To Expect When You Hire a DEIA (diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility) Facilitator

When hiring a consultant, there are many factors companies weigh. Money is usually the first consideration, followed by rigor, and results. I find that most people want to know how much it will cost, how long it will take to make an impact, and what the measurable impact will be. But, let me share my strategy. Work backwards.

Work Backwards

Your team should initially be focused on impact. What will your culture look like 20 years from now if you have hired the consultant who is the right fit for the job? Twenty years from now, what will be the reputation of your business, social club, organization, church, or agency? What will your leadership structure look like? What has your leadership been able to accomplish? What shifts have been made in your community, your city, or state as a result of the changes you make today?

Hire Someone Willing To Assess Fit

I interview all of my clients. We come to the table with them sizing me up, and I am just as intentional about assessing them. After my initial contact, if the entity I am contract bidding continues to insist that all they want is a workshop, I will let them know that I am not the right fit. A workshop will not end racism, nor will it suddenly absolve you from the impact you make going forward. Your aim should be to hire a consultant who is willing to work with you on a plan for implementation and thoughtful sustainability. How will this plan remain a priority should staffing or board changes occur? How will you onboard newcomers? How will your organization communicate with partners and stakeholders about what you have learned and are attempting to change?

About a year ago, I attended a DEIA training workshop in Central Appalachia where I reside, facilitated by a national organization that I admire greatly. They know their stuff. However, the entity that hired them did not specify the audience. This group presented incredible data and strategy…for a totally different industry and region. Equity is not one size fits all. What works in New York may not translate to what works in Eastern, Kentucky. It takes nuance. Though these issues are internationally systemic, solutions must also take into consideration regional focus.

Determine Your Commitment Level

Ready your employees to do the work. It will not happen over night. It will not happen with consulting input alone. It will not even happen with the establishment of a diversity officer , a diversity committee, or an equity quota written into your bylaws for your board. It will take intentional focus and commitment to the goal of seeking equity and accessibility. It will also take collaboration with stakeholders and partnerships outside of your organization. It is a long term investment for which we will all receive gains.

www.tanyatorp.com

She Changed My Life...

Most of my life I struggled with setting limits to make space for myself. One might have gone so far as to call me a workaholic. I loved diving into new projects and watching goals become reality, but often found myself stressed to the point of illness. In short, I was killing myself, and I didn't even have much to show for it.

I met Colene Elridge, known to some of you as “Coach Colene”, through a group I co-founded called “Not The Only One In The Room (NTOO)”. The group, specifically designed for Women of Color in Lexington, KY and surrounding areas to network and uplift one another, began with 5 women and now boasts over 700 members. We host quarterly brunches, book clubs, and special events. But, our claim to fame is the way we support one another’s projects with our presence or our checkbook.

I asked Coach Colene if she would host one of her famous workshops for NTOO on any topic she desired. She agreed, and in one hour, everything changed.

“When are you your best self?” she asked us.

I had never thought about when I am my best, I just knew I was striving to be my very best daily. But never had I been asked to identify and then recorded what that looked like. She used what she described as a small example of what she meant.

“One of the ways I know I am my best self is when I floss three times per day. My smile is important to me and so is my dental health. If I am too busy and exhausted to make room for flossing, I am not necessarily reaching my ideal self.”

She then set the timer, and asked us to come up with 5 of them.

I wrote:

• When I am cooking fresh foods and making healthy choices.

• When I make time to exercise.

• When I get enough rest.

• When I spend time with my best friend of 28 years who lives 8 hours away.

• When I don’t have to feel like I am recovering from my life when I take a vacation.

Coach Colene then asked us to pick our top 3 and work on those as our goals over the next year, giving us critical tools for success.

And everything changed for me. Suddenly, self-care and rest became priorities and with a reduction in stress, my work took on a new life. I was walking more in joy and intentionality than scrambling to get it all done. Lastly, a few times a year, my best friend and I meet up for getaways to keep our connection strong and invest in our friendship.

Last year, I took some of my co-laborers to Coach Colene’s Empowher Conference and we were blown away! We discussed our focus as a team and were able to shift our priorities and reach our goals quickly, while making room for rest and community care.

Empowher is back and I can’t wait to see what I will learn this time, from this dynamic speaker who not only inspires, but provides practical tools to get where you want to go.

Join me and change your life too!

https://www.empowherconference.com/

About Me: Carbs Are My Nemesis

Thank you for visiting my website to learn a bit more about me.

I don’t know about you, but as we walk through this global pandemic, I am conscious of what matters most. Family and friends. My faith. My principles. Good work. A good book. New “Doctor Who” episodes. And, carbs. Well, that last one was supposed to say health, but I am a work in progress. Today, I chose the healthy salad (no carbs) and tomorrow I am waking up at 5:30 am to get a workout in. One day at a time.

My Background

I’m a proud Air Force Brat who grew up in New Mexico, Washington State, Maryland, Washington D.C., and Virginia…and I got to Kentucky as soon as I could!

I moved to Lexington, Kentucky nearly 13 years ago to spend more time with my family before heading to the mission field in Uganda. I sold most of my belongings and headed out for adventure. Through a series of pivots, and after two trips to Uganda, other plans were revealed (which included a wedding with an estimated 1000 guests…most of them strangers. But that is a story for another time).

I currently serve as the Executive Director at Step By Step, Inc, a nonprofit that encourages and equips young single mothers, ages 12-24, with a mission “to empower and embolden young single mothers to improve their lives, their families, and their communities through healing, encouragement, faith and education”. 

Additionally, I am a bi-vocational Associate Pastor at Embrace Church in Lexington, Kentucky, where I focus on discipleship, leadership development, and women’s ministry.

Consulting & Facilitation Journey

I began consulting about 23 years ago after gaining a wealth of knowledge in the nonprofit world. I’m a natural talker, and when employers would ask me to lead the event or “say a few words”, I always felt like I was in my element…even when I was nervous or felt challenged. I’ve never jumped out of a plane (because why would anyone jump out of a perfectly good plane?), so public speaking and creating workshops might be the equivalent for me. Ever the student, I began to explore racial equity and inclusion through research, conferences, and trainings. I would seek out organizations that would send volunteers to these experiences. One day, I realized that the opportunities I was afforded had given me the privilege of access. I was soaking up knowledge but not using what I learned in the community, and I knew I had a responsibility to share it.

One of the biggest challenges at the time for most people I spoke was funding. Some of the most brilliant minds who were on the frontlines doing the work on streets, in their neighborhoods, and in their small underfunded organizations did not have access. Between conference prices, travel, and lodging, only a small number of people in my immediate circle could afford that kind of investment. And I certainly understood, because without volunteering at these agencies, I would never have had these opportunities! An idea formed. What if I collaborated with trainers, workshop leaders, and industry experts and brought that knowledge home? Rather than leaving it all in a folder on a shelf, I developed my own workshops. was empowering to see neighbors and friends grow, and of course I learned from them as well, with every single interaction.

All these years later, I still provide free trainings for the causes in which I believe, and I supplement the work by providing paid consulting services. My offerings have expanded beyond equity and inclusion to so much more. What a wild ride.

Thank you for being a part of community engagement.

Baby Facilitator, Tanya years ago. I learn something from participants EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.